Man flu, possibly the worst disease to affect the human species – specifically males. It sends them into a state that is within inches of death and one can only pray for their committed partner/carer who has to nurse them through the ‘illness’.
It sends our lovers from this:
As of yesterday, our household as been graced with the man-flu. So I thought, out of sympathy for the many other women around the world who have to deal with ‘the man flu’, I would bring together a summary of the important facts vs fiction of the man flu (according to Manflu.info – yes it is an actual website, go check it out!)
I have my weapons of choice at the ready and will be leaving the dog to take care of the patient while I go see Mary Poppin’s at the theatre tonight. So excited!!!
This is how we deal with the Man-flu in our household (and a trip to Nando’s)
1. Man Flu is simply a cold, the symptoms of which are greatly exaggerated by men.
FALSE – Man Flu is a serious and potentially life threatening illness, and will no doubt soon be on the Health and Safety Executive’s list of Reportable Diseases. Man Flu is a distinct disease in its own right, and should not be misdiagnosed as a mere common cold.
2. Women can catch Man Flu
FALSE – Man Flu does not attack humans with the XX chromosome, only those with the XY chromosome. This genetic mutation effectively immunises females against Man Flu. This may account for the reason that women widely believe that Man Flu is actually just the common cold, but with a bit of extra drama thrown in for good measure.
3. The best way to deal with Man Flu is to just ‘get on with it’
FALSE – Extensive research has proven that the only way to combat the crippling effects of Man Flu is complete withdrawal to the sofa and uninterrupted mollycoddling by the girlfriend / wife.
4. Men have a slower recovery rate from Man Flu than women do from the common cold
TRUE – The effects of Man Flu can linger for days and days, compared with just a few hours for the common cold. If the man is not permitted the correct period of convalescence following an attack of Man Flu he can be plunged back into a critical condition (see The Woman’s Role as Carer).
5. Man Flu is just a way for men to get sympathy / time off work / time in front of the telly
FALSE – Man Flu is a bona-fide and debilitating illness, would men make a meal of that sort of thing?
6. The pain and suffering of Man Flu is similar to that of child birth
TRUE – Though at least with child birth it’s all done and dusted in a few hours, but Man Flu can last for weeks…
7. The best cure for Man Flu is a cocktail of Night Nurse, Day Nurse, chicken noodle soup and whiskey.
FALSE – There is no cure for Man Flu. Once infected the afflicted can only hope that the gods roll the dice in favour of life rather than slow, lingering death.
8. While suffering from Man Flu, men would like nothing more than to go to work and try to forget about their affliction.
TRUE – However, men recognise the huge risk of spreading Man Flu to other men. Indeed, a single cough in the wrong direction could hold enough Man Flu germs to wipe out a small rainforest tribe.
Marley was far from impressed that someone else was getting all the attention. So she went off and had a sook. Love her!